


Ease of Mind

by OrangeSprout



Category: 2moons2
Genre: Confusion, Developing Relationship, Fluff, M/M, Partially Canon, not a super linear timeline, snuggles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-15
Updated: 2019-10-15
Packaged: 2020-12-17 05:09:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,304
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21048827
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OrangeSprout/pseuds/OrangeSprout
Summary: Being friends with someone you care about creates a squiggle line between friends and something more.





	Ease of Mind

###  _We recognize a soulmate by the supreme level of comfort and security we feel with that person. That doesn’t mean that there aren’t issues that remain to be ironed out. Rather, it means we know intuitively that we can resolve issues with our soul mate without losing his or her love and respect. – Linda Brady_

\---- 

The day he stepped into the practice room for the first time, he knew that Joong was something else. Since the first moment, he laid on eyes on this kid -correction this boy, no, man? No, he was still under eighteen that’s a boy.. teen?- Nine knew Joong was going to be a pain in his ass. He was loud, boisterous and had more energy than one should hold within a singular body.

The damn energizer bunny, that’s what he was.

How was this kid supposed to be ‘Ming’? Ming who was like a puppy, and flirtatious? Joong flirtatious, yeah right.

Somehow though, he managed. Joong reeled in his energy, positioned it towards the art and, somehow, he made a pretty good Ming.

Although it had taken many hours -and days- of practicing lines and acting cues. Plenty of sessions centered around getting to know each other. Copious amounts of coffee, sleep deprivation, laughter, jokes, hugs, kisses, acting, teasing and maybe just a dash of luck -and fate. Something changed between them.

Somewhere between late nights were they ran lines together and Nines friendly personality pulling Joong into a zone that made him feel comfortable, they became …friends. Yeah, real and true friends.

Joong likes to think it was fate -something like soulmates maybe, Joong said once- that made them friends, Nine says luck but does it really matter.

All that matters is one moment they were strangers and the next best friends. Their friendship grew fast and it grew strong.

It was great because that meant that on-screen they gave good chemistry but also off-screen they delighted fans with _fan service_ and moments to hold onto. It allowed them to grow a fan base. They were able to just be themselves, enjoy life while doing their job of bringing fans into the show.

Nine was thankful that Joong had found him. Nine liked to be needed, liked helping others, being the center of their attention. It was selfish in a way but it worked out because Joong needed someone too. Joong needed someone to help him get over his loneliness, lend him a hand, be there for him. Joong needed Nine and Nine needed Joong. They balanced each other’s needs.

The only problem was that because of their closer relationship they could easily pick on each, this lead to squabbles, quarrels, and fights. Most of the time they meant nothing, stuff said out of fatigue, exhaustion, or hunger. Sometimes it was accidental slips, words not meant to come out but did. Feelings that slipped through the cracks. Joong was young and impressionable. Joong was sensitive. Joong liked constant reassurance and hated people threatening that reassurance. He hated people teasing about Nine moving on from him, or even the thought that Nine would choose someone else over him.

Because their relationship shifted from stranger to friends so easily and quickly, it didn’t take long before Joong asked to stay over for the first time. It was often that Joong would come over to study or to just hang out. To just not be alone.

Nine had friends over all the time so it wasn’t anything new, or out of the ordinary, or strange. It was late, they had just finished studying and Nine was a good friend. He was a good older friend, who had an apartment.

So when Joong ask if he could stay over in between a yawn, Nine didn’t hesitate to say yes.

His new room, the room was a small one-room apartment, meant for _one_. His previous room had been a bit bigger, big enough of a futon on the floor, this one, however, did not have as much room. There was little room for anything extra, like say another place to sleep, like a couch or a futon. Especially not a place large enough for one giant man child.

That left the only sleeping option as (hold for dramatic music) the bed. As in the singular kind. Meant for one. The bed that Nine knew _could_ fit two but was small, and emphasis on, made for one.

He wasn’t going to let Joong sleep on the ground, it was cold, dirty and to crampy for sleeping. There was just enough room for walking.

And he wasn’t going to send him home this late. What kind of friend would he be if he did that? A bad one and he was no bad friend.

Ignoring the weird feeling in his gut because why would he feel weird about letting a friend sleepover. He shouldn’t. It wasn’t weird. Why was he being weird? He wasn’t. Ok cool, yeah good you got this Nine. Just breathe and stuff. Nothing strange happening tonight. Or ever.

He mentally facepalmed before taking a deep breath to try and collect his thoughts.

Once his thoughts seem to fall back into their normal lines, he began the journey to sleep. They picked up their mess from studying, showered -separately of course, though it was perfectly acceptable for friends to shower together but that thought of seeing Joong naked did something to Nine that he wasn't sure of and did not want to investigate any further. So separately- changed and then he laid out the ground rules. Which should be expected, right? “No groping, snoring or drooling in the bed or I’ll kick you out.” Simple enough.

Joong smiles, flopping down on the pillow he was given. The bed shifts with his weight in a way that feels weird to Nine. It shouldn’t. They were just laying together in the same bed. And yet. The blankets cascading around Joong, his hair damp and tousled, light flush over his skin from the warm water. “You’re becoming more and more like Kit the further we get into filming, you know.”

Nine pouts, crossing his arms over his chest because, no, he was not. No one -not a single soul- liked _drool_ on their pillows. He opened his mouth to comment when a yawn from the other party stopped him. 

Joong was there, on his side of the bed, eyes closed, hand curled by his face looking like the most adorable thing Nine had ever seen. It wasn’t right? Joong wasn’t supposed to be adorable, especially not when he slept. He was the giant energizer bunny baby, man-child.

And yet, he was. 

Joongs lips parted ever so slightly letting out slow puffs of air, as he drifts further into sleep, his nose twitching just so, small tufts of hair brushing his temples as his checks darken with sleep before his face relaxes completely. 

It just wasn’t fair that Joong was so cute, Nine thinks with a pout as he turns off the light.

That one night turned into two, -three, four, five- and soon it felt like Joong spent more time at Nine's place than his aunt's apartment. Nine still thought Joong was cute, that strange thought never seemed to go away but sometimes it got overridden when Joong did something gross like tried to sleep in his dirty clothes or that one night when Joong got sick and puked on the bed. That wasn’t cute but Joong was mostly asleep because of his cold so Nine could almost excuse it. Almost. Maybe. It was still gross.

Somewhere around the third week of sleeping over, _it_ happened. 

The first time _it_ had happened, it had startled Nine out of his sleep, throwing him back into reality like a jolt of lightning. He blinked into the darkness trying to figure out what had happened. Everything seemed to be in order, the door was still shut, lights were off, Ac on, blankets on.

Man, the blankets were really warm tonight.

Was that what it was, was he too hot? He shifted to remove the blanket and something tighten around his waist.

Something … around his waist? 

Hold up. Why was there an arm around his waist?

Reaching down he tentatively touched the arm, the fingers tightened around his ribs momentarily before settling back into their relaxed position. Then he noticed Joong’s breathe against his neck, and the soft heart beating against his back.

He gulped. Should he move or stay… Move or stay... Move or-

He reaches over to the Ac remote and turns it up a notch. Joong was really warm in his sleep. He settles back, pressing his back into Joong’s chest. This wasn’t weird because Joong was asleep. Joong was asleep and he started it, therefore, it wasn’t weird. It was comforting. Like one of those gravity blankets, he had heard about, putting just the right amount of pressure and warmth to create the safest of places. Plus it was dark and they were asleep, it didn’t matter.

His mind seemed to quiet down as the soft heartbeats rumbled into his chest through his back. The beats were asymmetric to his own. Joongs then his. 

Ba-dum Ba-dum. 

Ba-dum Ba-dum

It was a new rhythm all its’s own, such a soothing rhythm. How could two hearts beating, be this calming? His mind filled with sleep as his eyes grew heavy. The fingers twitched with sleep against his ribs.

Then the rhythm seemed to shift ever so slightly. 

Maybe in a way, he liked it better.

Ba-dum Ba-dum

Ba-dum Ba-dum

\--

After that first time _it _happened, it kept happening. Again and again and again. Like, the first night was the opening of flood gates. Or like the first step into a new habit. However, Nine never mentioned the night hugs and neither did Joong. Maybe it was like a secret.

If Nine was being honest he wasn’t entirely sure Joong knew about them because it seemed whenever morning came the limbs were gone. _Poof_, like they were never even there to begin with. Nine couldn’t tell if Joong was doing it intentionally or just as a reflex of sleep. But every night without fail, Nine would find himself encompassed in arms and legs. And that stupid rhythm lulling him to sleep.

It didn’t matter if they went to bed at 9 pm or 2 am, about an hour later, the limbs attacked. Like tentacles from the Kraken, swooping in undetected till, _boom_, too late your captured.

Nine tried to dislodge the limbs, not because they were uncomfortable because they _should _have been and they weren’t. Actually quite the opposite. He liked them. Preferred them over without them. Maybe that was a little nerve-racking, in and of itself, because he was so used to sleeping in his bed, _alone_, that now that some giant baby, man-child has taken over, he’s suddenly more comfortable sleeping _with_ than _without_. 

Which was, you know, unacceptable.

You can’t just suddenly be this comfortable with a person. Suddenly allow them to take over parts of your life that you thought you had control over. Suddenly allow them to be a major comforting factor in your sleep.

Maybe he was in a tad bit of denial. Or maybe he wasn’t. He honestly wasn’t sure.

He thought that maybe he could somewhat shift them back into their old ways. Trying to create the old atmosphere, where they slept apart. Then everything would be normal again. Yeah totally. He would understand everything again and not be confused.

Easy plan.

He would move the limbs, they would stay away and then he could he would go back to his old sleeping ways. He could go back to sleeping alone or at least on his side of the bed. They could be two separate people, and not one, at night again.

Perfect plan.

One night -ok maybe more realistically a few nights- he had tried to push the limbs off, he would toss the arm back. Then push the legs away. Then push the body further away. It was step by step process because Joong had a bigger mass than he did.

(Even though he went to the gym, Joong would always be bulkier than him. Such a shame. Sometimes he really hated his tiny genetics. All it gave him was the cute appearance, would he ever be able to pull off the same type of look as Joong? No. But that’s ok. It’s definitely a tangent that he tries to not think about too often because it’s not something he can change.)

He would get just enough time to where he could begin to fall asleep before he would feel the warmth and limbs creep back in. Sometimes roughly, an arm being thrown back over his body, knocking the wind out of him momentarily (feeling like a punishment for trying to move the limbs in the first place) and sometimes softly, like it was trying to sneak upon him, hand sliding over his body, tentatively, delicately, softly to pull him close.

But he was nothing, if not persistent. So he continued to push the limbs away.

When he -finally- came to the conclusion that straight-up pushing the limbs away wasn’t going to work, he tried other things.

One night he tried turning on the AC higher temperature to make the room hotter in hopes that maybe Joong would stay away to stay cool. You know because if the room was hot, you would stay away from the other heat source near you in order to stay cool. Seemed logical. Made sense.

That turned out to be a failed plan very quickly because not only did those octopi like limbs not stay away, they both woke up sweaty and grumpy from uncomfortably hot sleeping arrangements. The next day he had been horribly sleep-deprived and almost fell asleep in class too. He was not doing that again, that’s for sure.

He tried to turn the AC way down in hopes that maybe Joong would curl into himself.

That plan, however, was flawed from the start. Which he should have realized it was a bad plan from the start but he was actually glad that Joong had stuck to him like glue because he became Nine's personal heater. What a twist that was. It was a -surprisingly- great sleep too. Something that Nine hated to admit. Something he would _never_ admit out loud, that’s for sure.

After that he realized that there wasn’t a way for him to actually remove the limbs without A) either removing the person from the bed, which wasn’t really in the cards or B) Telling Joong that he was a booby trap of a sleeping body and he should keep his limps to himself at night. He didn’t really want to tell Joong though. He also, maybe, kind of, didn’t want to lose the limbs.

Maybe that’s why his attempts had failed. They were bad plans and he wasn’t really trying that hard because maybe, in some way, he didn’t want to lose their night time sleeping arrangement.

Maybe, _maybe_ he kind of liked it.

Maybe Nine liked to have his own personal heater at night,- as long as the AC was set to a good temperature- because otherwise, Joong was too warm. Stupid energizer bunny and his stupid amounts of energy that create a warm body temperature. 

Joong didn’t seem to notice his efforts to push him away at night nor did he notice how the room stayed just a bit colder from then on.

Maybe, Nine realized, he didn’t want to go back to his old ways of sleeping alone.

\--

Nine had just managed to stumble through a shower -how he took a shower with his eyes closed he would worry about in the morning- before landing in bed just as his mind began to shut down to the world.

It had been a long day, _really _long. He had an early class, then a test, a meeting with some future work possibilities, a meeting with the company, and then his acting workshop. Then afterward – maybe because he had masochistic tendencies- he had accepted his cousin's request to do a dance together, so he had dance practice with her.

Now, he would admit that he wasn’t the best dancer, it wasn’t a skill that he was vain about or anything. He could do it fine enough and he enjoyed it and so when he received the request he thought ‘why not’. Well, now he realizes that maybe he should have checked his schedule better because he still needs more practice and then they have to film it. Although with his upcoming schedules meeting with her more than once might not be possible, maybe he can get her to film next time they meet instead of putting it off more. 

He tried to let work thoughts leave his mind so he could make room for good dreams instead but it just wasn’t working out. He tossed to one side, the cool blankets just irritating him. He rolled to the other side. He was so tired. He was literally too tired to open his eyes during his shower why was he struggling now? He felt stuck in this middle ground between sleeping and being awake. Like he was floating through a fog of sleep instead of into it.

This went one for what could have been minutes or hours, not nearly enough time when he heard a knock or two. Wait, scratch that, like a billion knocks. Did this person not know what nighttime meant? 

Groaning, he pushes off the bed, stumbling over the clothes he tossed off in his sleepy entrance to his apartment before grabbing a pair of boxers and slumping into them when his brain finally processed his nudity.

“What?” He growled as he swung open the door, one eye refusing to open all the way and the other opening just enough to glare at the dark figure in front of him.

A shaky sigh answers him and then “You’re not wearing clothes.” The tone was odd, it was soft like the speaker was afraid and maybe the slightest of berating to it.

“I have underwear on.” He snaps back, leaning against the door, it was too late for anyone else to be still up so he could care less about his current state of clothes, or rather lack thereof. If he wasn’t so tired maybe he would care more. Maybe. It's debatable.

Silence and then Joongs small voice, “Nine?” 

Nine shifted to push off the door, one hand rubbing his eye while the other reached out palm up, to Joong, who took the invitation. They made it two steps into the room, the door shutting softly behind them before Nine was swept into strong arms, secured tightly around his waist. He could feel the strong timbre of Joongs heart beating rapidly against his chest accompanied by a wet exhale against his neck.

He sighed, sleep momentarily forgotten as he wraps his arms around Joong’s neck, one hand curling in the hair at the nape of his neck, standing up on his top toes to press their cheeks together. Nine notes the dampness against his face, letting his fingertips scratch delicately along the base of his neck in a soothing manner. He remembers his mother doing something similar when he was young whenever he got upset. It always made him feel better so he hoped that it would work with Joong too.

“What’s wrong?” He whispered, softly like a breeze.

“It’s stupid. So stupid.” Joongs presses his face into Nines like he wants to turn or run away but instead has settled for just pressure. Wet cheek against dry -damp- cheek.

“Obviously not.” 

“I’m just conflicted." Joong gulps, breathing in. "Everything is so... confusing.”

“What is?”

“I just-“ Nine can feel the flex of his jaw, tightening of his lips before he feels the slow exhale as Joongs face relaxing. Nine can almost feel the thoughts running through Joongs head.“I just ... miss them. It’s really silly because I choose this but it’s Mother’s Day and mom is sick and it’s not anything more than a cold. I know, but I’m here and not there. What if it was something bad? What if something happens to them? What if-” Joongs stops, exhaling like he has the weight of the world on his shoulders.

Nine lets the silence be for a moment, gives Joong a moment to collect himself. “Joong it’s ok to be worried when you’re so far away from your family. No one thinks you’re stupid. I promise. And if they do I’ll show him the old one-two punch.” 

He shifts as body as if getting ready to punch but the arms pull him in tighter. Nine breathes in as another stream of wetness attaches to his cheek. “You know you can spend time with me and my mom tomorrow. I know it’s not the same but she loves like family. Plus we sent out that present to your mom two weeks ago, she should be getting it soon." Nine rubs Joongs neck again in some nonsensical pattern. "You’re a good son and your family loves you. My family loves you too. They can be, no, they are your surrogate family while you here.”

Joong lets out a small wet chuckle. "Thanks."

“Plus no matter what happens,” Nines calves ache from their stretched position for so long but he ignores them in favor of leaning more on Joong. “I love you and I’ll always be here for you. And if you think something bad might happen you can always fly back to your family.”

“Yeah.” Joong breathes quietly the word in disbelief as he tilts his head just so, lips touch Nines checks. It’s a soft almost nonexistent kiss. As if he’s just reassuring himself that Nine is there. “Can I stay here?”

Nine drops back to the flats of his feet to look into Joongs eyes, one eyebrow raised before rolling his eyes with a smile. “I’m going back to bed.” He waves a hand flippantly towards the direction of the bathroom before falling back onto the bed and burying his face in his pillow.

There are a few moments with no sounds of movement than a soft step and the sound of the drawer being pulled out. The drawer that sticks when it's closed all the way and most times when you pull it out if it’s not done in the correct way. Joong knows how to wiggle it just so and it works every time for him. That stupid drawer. _Joongs drawer_, Nine mind supplies as he hears the wiggle before the draw closes without resistance. Stupid drawer.

A few steps, a door closing and then shower starts. It’s weird, this realization that Joongs has a drawer. There was no talk about it. He has just stayed over so much and had left so much stuff behind, that Nine had started putting his stuff in that drawer. At first, it was a joke of sorts because Nine always had trouble with the drawer and he had hoped at first Joong would too but he didn't, quite the opposite. Then more stuff started appearing in the drawer and now, its _Joongs drawer_. His very own drawer...

Actually, there was a part of the closet that held Joongs stuff as well. His toothbrush was in the bathroom, along with his other toiletries like shampoo and face wash. A sticker on the mirror Joong had put there. Joongs favorite drink in the fridge. His favorite snacks in the cabinet. There was Joong all over the apartment. 

He had meant it when he said that Joong was family. He loved Joong, just maybe in a way that he didn’t fully understand but he loved him none the less. Joong was his best friend and someone he felt completely comfortable with. Someone who made him feel safe and warm. Someone he didn’t mind sharing a room or even a bed with. His… someone. 

Opening his eyes Nine looks to the other side of the bed. Joongs 'unofficial' side of the bed, because it was the closest to the AC and he was always warmer than Nine. The pillow stood out among the sea of greys and blacks with its red color. A pillow which he knew smelled of Joong and next to it was a round plushie with a smiling face and red circle checks. A squishy mochi. Joong had won it from a claw machine because ‘it’s got Nines squishy checks’. Nine lazily poked one of the ‘squishy’ checks on the plushie. His cheeks were better.

There was so much Joong in his apartment that he couldn’t remember a time when it _wasn’t_ there. Which was weird because they had only known each other for a year now, maybe, and yet somehow, they’ve become this close. He let his fingers trail off the plushie and onto the pillow. He doesn’t want to imagine a time when Joong decides to move back to Turkey to be with his family. 

It’s a selfish thought to have but he can’t help it.

“You’re still awake.” Joong sounded surprised, as he stands there rubbing his hair with a towel, the only light in the room was the moonlight through the half-covered window. “It’s late.”

Nine hummed in reply, closing his eyes. The thump of the towel hitting the floor - He would nag about Joong not putting it up properly in the morning - signaled Joongs arrival to the bed. Then into the bed, as it shifts to accommodate the new weight difference. Nine expected arms around him but when none came he looked over to Joong. 

There in the shadows of the night, this boy who is usually full of energy, lay silently, staring up at the ceiling. The barely-there light covered his face with darkness in all the wrong places.

“It’s late.” Nine echoed before shifting, pushing Joong to lay on his side. Stopping the minimal protest with a 'tsk' before wrapping his arms around Joong’s waist. 

He didn’t fit as well in this position as he did in front because his body type was smaller than Joongs but he would make due. Rubbing his nose against the back of Joongs neck, one hand placed over Joongs beating heart while his other hand let soft fingertips dance along Joong's side. He wasn't as big or as warm as Joong was but he could be soothing like this too. He could protect Joong when he needed it, help him get to sleep during tough times. HE wanted to be there as much for Joong and Joong was for him.

It took a while but eventually, he heard Joongs breathing even out into sleep before he followed after, nose buried in the nape of Joongs neck. 

**-** **-**

Nine was standing at the counter, the hot plate warming the vegetables. A bowl of meat set to the side in preparation while Nine gets the slurry of curry cube and water ready. He paused as he rinsed his hands, eyes blurring momentarily as they droop with sleep. 

“Why am I doing this for you again?” 

“I’m studying.” Joong's voice was muffled through the half wall followed by a soft hum. It was a recognizable tone. Nine tilts his head as he listens.

That’s right. “It’s a quarter after one, I’m all alone.” He starts with a smile, Joong chair clatters against the floor as he rushes over.

“And I need you now.” He tags in like always. The smile on his face never fails to fill his heart, mind, and soul with happiness.

“And I don’t know how I can do without,” Nine ignores the fact that Joong skipped a line as he grabs Nines hands and beginning some odd version of a waltz including the spinning and one dip as they continue to sing the song. So what if they missed a few words (or lines). So what if their dancing was horrible and Joong stepped on his foot (more than once). He got him back -by accident- a few times, so it was fair.

So what if they laughed until the stench of burning vegetables pulled them back into the present. 

Nine wouldn't trade this moment for the world as he saved the remaining -not as burnt- vegetables and cooked the meat. Joong humming beside him. The songs changed as Nine finished the meal, turning to more quiet songs until the infamous song began to fall from Joongs lips as the last minutes ticked by before the food was done.

“Baby take my hand,” Joongs fingers threaded through his, “I want you to be my husband.”

“I just cooked your food, if that’s all it takes you’re going to marry a lot of people.” Nine jokes, trying to pull his hand away. Because he needed to use it for cooking not because it made his heart flutter just a bit.

“Cause you’re my iron man,” Joong continues, his smile growing.

“I thought you only like it when I sing it?”

There was a pause and Joong let go of his hand for a moment before pushing him back against the counter, bracketing him in with his arms. “ Baby, take a chance.” He said softly, eyes glimmering. "Cause I want this to be something."

“Food-” Nine whispers back, heart racing in his chest as Joong leans closer. Nine mouth feels so dry that his tongue is sticking to his teeth, he swallows, twice, trying to quell his sudden nerves.

“Straight out of a Hollywood movie.”

“F-Foods ready.”

“Thanks!” The sudden exclamation startles Nine but he slaps on a quick smile, mostly to hide his nerves, as Joong reaches around him to grab a bowl.

Nine doesn’t wait for any further incidents to happen before he makes his way back to the warm inviting arms of his bed that he had been pulled from an hour ago. The bed didn’t seem as comfortable as it was before though. The blankets were too cold, the pillow wasn’t fluffed right. 

Nine huffs as he pulls the covers over his head trying to ignore the sound of Joong prancing in the kitchen as he ate. 

He should be mad at getting woken up at, who knows when in the morning, after spending all night tutor Joong, to make food for Joong but he wasn’t. He should have been mad at the loud half-humming and half-singing in-between bites that Joong was doing mere feet from his bed, but he wasn’t.

He wasn’t even mad when the covers got pulled away so Joong could show their fans his face as he praised him on his cooking skills. 

To be honest he was only mad that it took so long for Joong to finally get to bed because before that moment Nine was stuck drifting between awake and asleep until he was captured in those long arms.

He couldn’t tell if he imagined it or not but just as he finally drifted fully into sleep he felt soft lips press against his nape.

It was probably his imagination though.

\--

Nine rolled over, the sun rays just barely peaking in through the window. The curtains only partially covering the window in a poor excuse to block the light, which he really should fix because no one lights getting woken up so early by the sun.

Joong lay beside him, limbs splayed out like a starfish, mouth cracked open. He had plenty of time before he needed to be up, so much so that he defiantly needs to go back to sleep. Yet, he couldn’t. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes, trying to will himself back to sleep but after a couple of minutes, his eyes opened again, refusing to close for sleep.

He pouted and shifted, pulling the covers closer, and closer, stuffing them between his legs. Closing his eyes again and nothing. He rolls over to face away from Joong pushing one leg out of the burrito of blankets he created. Closes his eyes and guess what, nothing.

He sighed. Rolling back over again, pulling the covers over his face as he huffs. He doesn’t want to get up yet. He wants to sleep.

“Nai,” Joongs voice fades out, he shifts. Nine holds his breath as he peeks out of the blanket with one eye to see Joong still sleeping. He waits with bated breath. Then he shifts his legs again as he tried to find the perfect position when an arm curls around him pulling to Joong's side.

“More minutes,” Joong mumbles as he pulls Nine close, laying him over his chest. Nine stares out of the little hole he created in his blanket burrito at his still sleeping friend. What now? He tried to move but the arm was still there, holding him close

He lay his head down on the chest, heart beating right into his ear. It’s the same rhythm that puts him to sleep most nights. He wonders if it could put him to sleep now-

The next thing he hears is his alarm going off, he feels Joong shift and the alarm goes silent.

“Nai “ Joong mumbles out, “Time to get up.”

Nine was still cradled against Joongs chest, blankets had shifted to cover them both instead of burrito just him. It wasn’t super comfortable to sleep against a chest but it was comforting. Comforting in a way that was uncomfortable to Nine. Which was too deep for morning thoughts to be.

Then a nose nuzzled the crown of his head before dropping a small kiss before Joong extracted his limbs.

Nine pretended to be asleep as Joong shuffled around the apartment until Joong deemed it necessary to get him up. There was little resistance when Joong pulled the blankets off and ushered him to the bathroom.

After that Nine managed to make it through the day with normality and like protocol neither mentioned their sleeping arrangement. Which was great, super fantastic-

“You wanna go drinking tonight?” Nine asked hours later as he walked out of class. Ben on the other end of the line hummed.

“I guess. Random hoes or you want the crew there?”

Nine smiled he knew he could count on Ben. “Random, so no Earth and no Pavel.”

Ben made a noise something between shock and amusement. “Chen?”

“No.” Nine almost shouted in his hast. He could feel the smirk through the phone and he didn't like it. Not one bit.

“I see.”

"See what?"

Ben never did answer what he ‘saw’ but they did manage to dance in a crowd of strangers and drink until Nine wasn’t sure which way was up and which way was his feet. Ben defiantly wasn't any better, maybe even worse. Though Nine couldn't tell. He's going to say worse because Nine is a good kid and as long as someone is drinking more than him he doesn't feel that bad.

Although realistically it's probably him. Most definitely him.

“Do you want me to call you a cab?” Earth said as he helped Ban off the couch, the boy had passed out a couple of minutes ago. Thankfully, in Ben's case, he had been drunk texting Earth and because Earth is a sweet boy who was concerted for Ben's safety, he decided to come and take him home. Such a sweet boy, that Earth is.

“No.” Nine tried to stand but stumbled back into his seat with a giggle. "I’m independent. I don’t need a cab.” He waggled his finger and tried to throw a sassy look.

Earth seems wholly unamused. “I’m calling Chen then.”

“Nooo.” Nine whined, pouting as he lightly flailed his arms against the couch. He was not acting like a child at the moment. But his arms sure were.

“Cab or Chen?” 

Nine deepened his pout and added puppy eyes. The puppy eyes always get him what he wants. Earth did _not_ fall for that trick and instead called a cab before helping both Nine and Ben outside to wait by the curb.

“What if I wanted to drink more?” Nine whined as he leaned against the light pole, the cold seeping in through his clothes felt nice against his hot skin.

“No.”

Nine stuck his tongue out. “You're not my mom.”

Earth shots him a look that could have killed him but the alcohol lucky saved him. Score one for alcohol. Wait, two because it got him to this point. Two points for alcohol.

“I should have called Chen." Earth huffed, glancing over to Ben who was slouched over on the ground passed out. "He’s better at handling you.” 

“Not true-“ Nine squeaked as Earth pushes him into the cab the moment it arrives at the curb, told the driver his address and slammed the door just as the next cab showed up. Efficient, Nine thought vaguely as the cabbie drove off.

“Long night I see.” The cabbie glanced at him through the review mirror.

“Yeah.” He huffs.

“You sound heartbroken?” 

Nine shrugs but it catches him off balance and he topples over to lay in the seats instead. “I don’t know. I like him but it’s weird. Because we’re friends and like, I’m his friend.”

The cabbie hums, fingers tapping on the wheel. “Maybe you're meant to be more than friends but you’ll never know because you’ve already assumed that this is the path of love you're meant to be on.”

Nine tried to answer but he didn’t have one. It was a beautiful saying and accurate, what was he to say to that? No? That he was wrong? He was honestly too drunk to think of anything else to say anyways.

Maybe this was the path of love he was supposed to be on, being friends forever. That's not too bad though. He could probably live with that. Maybe. He did like Joong though. Like the kisses on his head. Arms around him. Maybe he was just lonely.

He pondered over the words as he tried to keep the sudden bile from coming up. The alcohol plus the motion of the car were not sitting well together.

Bummer alcohol loses a point for this.

Nine managed to pay the cabbie and stumble up the stairs to his room. It took him a few tries but he managed to unlock his door. He steps out of shoes and strips off his clothes -because they smelled like alcohol and cigarettes- before crawling into bed. Those strong arms immediately trapping him close. Fuck he really liked those arms around him. It's just the alcohol talking, he was sure.

“Nai...?”

“I like when you called me that.” Nine mumbles as he snuggles into those arms. “My heart always does ‘ba dum ba dum’ really fast when you do.” His spinning world begins to slow down as a tentative hand runs down his back.

“Nai,” He whispers the word like he was tasting fine wine, trying to gather it on his palate and keep the taste. And then not more normally, “You're naked”, his words sounding a mix between confused and concerned, and some hidden amusement to them. Joong pulled the covers around Nines waist, tugging them tight so he wouldn’t get cold.

“You kissed my shoulder and my head.”

Palpable silence before Joong exhaled and answer. “Yes.”

Nine tried to open his eyes but they refused as rolled back under the safety of his lids, he exhales as he forced the words out. “I like you. Kissing me.”

“Of course you do, I’m a great kisser.” Joong teased gently.

Nines' mind drifted a little at the answer, his eyes wavering in the dark. The alcohol grabbing hold of him in a last-ditch effort to pull him into sleep as his tongue sticks to his teeth. The words crawl out slowly, like his subconscious pushing them out. “I love you.”

Nine feels softness against his lips, a feeling he’s felt before but this time the emotions are different. It’s not a job or for pictures, it the silence of the night, the glow of the moon, the beat of the heart. Words whisper across his lips. He can taste them, the words, feel them moving down his throat and curling into his heart.

\----

Nine woke up the next morning, groggily slapping the bed to try and find his phone. The screen flashed noon with a few missed text and calls. A few from Earth trying to find out if he was alive. One from Ben asking the same. 

He can’t remember much, the club, the drinks. Earth sending him off. He wonders how he made it home since his recollection of it is mostly scattered darkness and warm.... warm arms?

He looks around and Joong is nowhere to be seen. It’s not abnormal to wake up and Joong not be there at least in the apartment somewhere. He wonders if Joong stayed over, was he there when Nine got home?

Something inside him felt ... off. Like he should be thinking about something and wasn’t. Was he missing a class or a meeting or.. what was this feeling?

He needed to ask someone about this, he needed to understand.

\--

A couple of days later after their company meeting, he decided he would ask someone to help him out. He glanced around the room, everyone was packing up to leave, talking about what they were doing afterward. He just had to figure out who would be able to best answer his question. Who should he talk to...

Pavel or Dome?

Pavel or Dome?

Pavel or ... Ben? His mind supplies as said boy walked past him, bag in hand and hair still tied up in the top of his head like a palm tree.

No, not Ben. 

He needs someone more… open. Someone he knew had already past the torch -was that a euphemism or did he just make it up, he was sure he heard it somewhere before- someone like-

“Hey, Pavel.” Nine called as he jogged over to Pavel whose hand paused on the handle of the door, “Do you have a second?”

Pavel looked to Dome with a questioning glance before turning towards Nine. “Depends on how long you need, we were about to head out.”

“It won’t take long. I promise.”

Pavel arches a brow before sighing. “Fine.”

“I’ll go on ahead then.” Dome waves as he leaves, leaving the two of them awkwardly standing by the door until Nine ushers them into a nearby empty room. 

“Alright bottom, what’s up?” Pavel smirks while leaning on the table.

Nine rolls his eyes, “First off, that’s Kit. Second, _really_?”

Pavel shrugs noncommittally clearly still amused by their interview a couple of weeks ago week. “Fine, I’ll be serious.” Not sounding serious in the slightest. “What can I help with?”

“Well...” Nine starts, suddenly feeling the embarrassment burning his ears. Shuffling his feet he looked everywhere but Pavel, “The thing is... I... Uh…” 

Pavel grabs his arms stopping his movements and forcing them to lock eyes. “I’ve got a very handsome man who is only in town for a short bit along with a supportive family waiting for me to go eat with them and as much as I would love,” the word was uncomfortably saccharine causing Nine frowned at it, “to wait for you to find the words. I don’t have time so how about instead I gue-“

“How do you know if you like someone as more than a friend?” Pavel’s hands drop from Nines arms, settling in his hips in a pensive pose, as Nine finished off in a quieter tone. “Like romantically?”

Nine bounces on his toes, fingers fidgeting with his shirt. Pavel normally playful expression has been morphed into a serious one.

“There’s a fine line between like and love.” Pavel says finally, after way too many beats of silence in Nine opinions. “The difference between liking someone and loving them is minute. Because the one you love _is_ your best friend … but better.”

“Your best friend?” Nine mimicked.

“You wouldn’t date someone you couldn’t be friends with because that means you’re not compatible with them. You have to be compatible with the person your gonna date.”

“Compatible.” Nine mimics again and earns a questioning from Pavel.

“I guess the biggest question is, this person whom you think you like romantically. Is this person someone you could see yourself spending large amounts of time with? Sleep next to them? Waking up with them in the morning? Kissing them? Miss them? And most importantly...” Pavel grabs Nines' wrist holding the between them, forcing eye contact again. “Could you see yourself having sex with them?”

“Ahh!” Nine tried to break free so he could cover his ears but Pavel’s grip stays strong as his laughter fills the air. Nine could only pout and whine, “Why?”

Pavel chuckles as he lets go of Nines' wrists once he settles down. “I’m only partially joking. You do have to think about it though. If your answer to ‘do I want to have sex with them?’ is no. Is it because you don’t want sex at all? Or because you don’t think you could have sex with _that_ person? If it’s the latter, maybe you shouldn’t try to do anything romantic with them because maybe you’re not compatible in that way.”

“What if... if I want to...” Nine asks tentatively, look up at Pavel with wide eyes, scared expression “But I’m not sure if they do? How do I know if they just want to be friends or like something... more?”

Pavel tilts his head, tapping his finger to his chin. “Unfortunately,” shrugging with one shoulder, “You’ll just have to ask them.”

Nine scowls, “Isn’t there like… some way that I could tell without asking?”

“Sorry kid.” Pavel ruffles his hair, “But my times up here. Good luck.” Pavel gives a two-finger salute before heading out leaving a still confused, pouting Nine standing alone in the room.

\--

That night Nine sound himself staring at the wall as he waited for Joong to finish his shower, Pavel’s words repeating through his mind. There was no way he was going to ask Joong how he felt. He couldn’t risk Joong thinking he was weird. What if Joong were to get mad at him and never want to snuggle again? Or more importantly what if he didn’t want to be friends anymore because of the question? Nine knows he’s not a homophobe or anything because of the show but that didn’t mean that Joong wanted to be best friends with someone who was... gay? And wanted to ... kiss(?) him.

Because yes, Nine had come to the realization that he did, in fact, want to kiss Joong in a way that was not related to work. He wanted to kiss Joong like Spiderman and Mary Jane in the rain. Like the two main leads from the notebook that his sister made him because he’d never admit that he likes that movie but he wants _that_ kiss. The one where they run-up to each other and hold each other in their arms and kiss, passionately.

How silly was he for wanting that? It was too much, this silly feeling inside him. He didn’t want it anymore.

Arms wrapped around his waist and small kiss dropped to his naked shoulder and Nines body relaxes almost instantly. Legs molded behind his and then a tender nose buried in the base of his hair, nuzzling gently before Joong stills and the light snoring, signaling sleep, plays through the room.

He wanted to do all the things with him. He wanted to hang out with Joong, all the time. Cook him food. Take care of him. Help him study. Joong was his best friend. Best _friend_.

But he also wanted to fall asleep next to him. Wake up with him in the morning. He wanted those small kisses on his shoulders and other places. During the time when he was awake and an active participant. It’s weird because he’s kissed Joong, many times for the show but it’s different without the camera and people there. It’s different when it’s Nine and Joong and not Kit and Ming. When he’s on set he doesn’t have the same feelings attached but here, in the dark, he wants Nine and Joong kiss. He wants feelings there.

The only thing he wasn’t 100% sure about was …the sex. He’d never had sex, though he has gotten close on a few occasions. And he especially had never had sex with another man before. It was scary to even think about it. He knew some basics from when he read the 2moons book in an effort to understand kit more but he wasn’t sure how accurate the book was, plus Beam was in pain the next day.

Was that how it always was, painful the next day?

Why did so many guys ... bottom if they are in pain the next day? Was it always painful? Was the experience that good that you dealt with the pain? Would he even bottom if the situation every arouses? Would Joong?

Nine sighed rubbing a hand over his face, he had more questions now than before.

“Nine.” A small voice whispered against his neck, “Are you ok?”

“...Y-Yeah.” He stuttered trying to hide the tension in his voice.

“You’re mumbling...” Joongs voice seems to drift in and out of consciousness. He mumbles something else but it’s unintelligible.

“I’m sorry Joong.” He pats the arm around his waist before grabbing the hand and pulling it up to kiss the knuckle. “I’ll figure this out.”

He places the hand over his chest, his own places onto of Joongs as he forces himself slide into a fitful sleep. Question flying around his head like a bullet in a gunfight, ricocheting off his consciousness.

\--

It started when they did a live together and fans were once again, asking if they were dating. Nine jokes that it was there decision. Which was a joke but Joong seemed to take it as a hit? He sulked the rest of the night.

“Do you think dating me would be a joke?” Joong asked.

“No. of course not.”

“Would you only date me because the fans told you to?”

“No, I want to date you because I want to. I have nothing to do with them.” Nine fires back. He’s not entirely sure how this started up, it was just a joke to the fans.

“You want to.” Joongs tone is suddenly different. Softer, questioning. It raises red flags in Nines head.

“I-”

“You want to date me?” Joong asks with an even tone. Nine wants the yelling back. “As in the present tense. The current state of wanting.”

“I..” Nine starts then stops. He needs to word this carefully. He didn’t have enough time to plan out his words. He wasn’t even sure if he was ever going to tell Joong his real feelings. “I..”

“Do you like me? Like that…?”

“I… Joong…” Nine mouth flaps like a fish but he can’t find the words.

Joong nods before getting up and leaving. The door shuts quietly behind him filling the room with such a heavy silence that Nine feels suffocated. He grabs his chest, tugging on the material. It hurts. Hurts a lot.

He doesn’t know what to do now. Does he follow? Let him have space? Does he pretend it never happened?

\--

There was no Joong for the next week.

Radio silence between them. Nine pretended that it didn’t bother him. He pretended that everything was fine. That nothing was wrong even though everything felt wrong. It felt like the earth was shifting beneath his feet and he was stuck just watching it move. He was at a complete loss as to how to go about this situation, let alone how to fix it.

Everything felt wrong and it hurt.

He stumbled into the bathroom in the morning a week after the fight and his world crumbled just a little more. Joongs toothbrush stared back at him, taunting about how alone he was currently.

It was stupid, everything was stupid. Joong was ignoring him. Joong stuff was still here. His side of the bed still smelled like him. That stupid mochi still stared at him. But it all felt too much. The apartment felt too big for just him.

The world felt too big for him lately. 

Well, he thought with as much strength as he could muster if Joong was going to hang out with his own friends and ignore him that Nine was going to do the same.

So he hung out with his friends more, his family more too. He filmed with his sister and his cousin. He studied more. Practiced more. Then at night, he counted sheep until the sun rose and he pretended that nothing was bothering him.

Because nothing should be bothering him.

Joong was just a friend and friends didn’t _need_ to be with each other all the time.

Except, it kind of felt like he needed to be with Joong. At least maybe just a little.

He moved Joongs toothbrush into the medicine cabinet to prevent himself from throwing in the toilet out of anger.

A few more days past with no sign of Joong but they had a company meeting so Nine knew that he would at least _see_ him. It wasn’t much but you know, slight hope. Maybe.

He wasn’t expecting to see Joong flirting -openly- with the new intern. Or a bit later to see Ben nudging him teasingly as he congratulating him on his ‘night’. 

How did Ben know that Joong had gone out with someone and he hadn’t? oh right, they hadn’t talked.

Was that why Joong had pulled away? He felt awkward that Nine had feelings for him when he was talking to someone else?

Wait, Had Ben just implied that Joong had lost his virginity? 

The though halted everything in Nines mind. Not because he was mad about it. Joong was his own person, but because it was so sudden. Joong hadn’t even been with someone two weeks ago. He didn’t know Joong was like that.

Now Nine wasn’t sure what to think. He was already troubled with what he was supposed to do and now this.

Nine sat on the other side of the room, trying his best to close off his ears to the other conversations. He wasn’t ready to hear about Joongs ‘night’ yet. He wasn’t ready for Joong to be dating, kissing or doing anything else with someone. He had just come to terms with his feelings for the tall boy, he wasn’t ready to have them squashed yet. 

He wasn't ready to _not_ be the center of Joongs life.

So many emotions played through his head. Worried, heartache, anxiety, sadness. Too many emotions over someone who was just a friend. Over someone he wished wasn't just a friend.

He could manage to push it all back until the end of the meeting. He could ignore every pang in his heart. Smile and laugh when necessary until the meeting ended. He could do it, he was an actor after all.

“How’s it?” Pavel says as he plops down in the seat beside Nine, “Did you figure out your feelings?”

Nine looks to Joong and Ben with a frown before looking back to Pavel. “Yeah.”

“Why do you sound sad about it?”

“It didn’t work out.” Nine said picking at his jeans.

“So you talked to them?” Pavel questioned almost rhetorically, setting his chin in his palm as he sent a questioning look to Nine.

Nine scowled at his jeans, “Not exactly.” He shifts in his seat, cross and then uncrossing his legs, “But I think it’s obvious they don’t feel the same.”

Pavel leaned back in his seat, stretching his legs out in front of him. “I’m not going to push you into anything you’re not comfortable with but you never know for sure and they might like you back.”

“It doesn’t matter anyway.” Nine looked over at him with a tight-lipped smile. “You flirt with Dome a lot.”

Pavel laughs loudly and the room quiets momentarily to look at him before he waves them off. “Trying to change the subject I see.”

Nine shrugs, a small fraction of smile try to show on his lips. 

“Dome and I are happy the way things are.”

“What are things?” Nine relieved for the change in topic. Silently thanking Pavel for this brief reprieve.

Pavel shrugs. “You know, _things_.”

Nine shots him a glare and Pavel smiles back as he answers casually. “Dome travels a lot and has school and I’m working on pursuing my career, modeling and starting my own clothing line.” He shrugs. “We’re busy”

Nine pulls one leg up in the seat, wrapping his arms around it. “You flirt with each other all the time.”

“I flirt with everyone,” Pavel answers back honestly.

“Does it feel different with him?”

Pavel shifts, pursing his lips. “If it does?”

Nine pulls his other leg up to lay his head on them, looking at Pavel. “Do you have feelings for him?”

“If I do?”

Nine snorts, rolling his eyes. Then he sighs and looks into Pavel’s eyes, asking. “Do you?”

“I love Dome but where we are in life right now, it’s not romantic.” He shifts in his seat as if he wants to say more, lip sucked between his teeth before he smiles. “I’d be lying if I said we never _did_ anything together.” Pavel nudges him with a wink “Friends with benefits, you know.”

Nine covers his ears with a groan. “Pavel!” Again his loud laughter silences the room momentarily.

“You can be jealous all you want.”

“I’m not-” Nine grumbles before huffing. He was jealous. Jealous because Pavel and Dome had some semblance of a relationship that worked from them and he couldn’t even talk to Joong because stupid Joong had been avoiding him. 

“Like I said before, gotta talk to them. Dome and I got to where we are right now because we talk to each other. We were open from the start about what we wanted and needed. It's a good relationship,” Pavel leaned in closer, their faces almost touching, his a low whisper yet his words were as loud as screaming. “Plus I know for a fact Joong wants that with you.”

Pavel just smiled at Nines wide eyes expression as he sputters out. “How did you-”

“Alright, guys let’s get started.” Their produce calls closing the door behind him.

Nine let his legs fall back to the ground and as he sits up straight. Pavel knew. Nine eyes Pavel before he slowly looks to Joong on the other side of the room. Joong’s expression shifts from angry too passive as soon as they make eye contact. What was his problem?

Nine picks at the hole in his jeans. There’s no way that Joong wants to do those things. Pavel is just being facetious. Joong has been actively avoiding him because of mention just that. That Nine wanted to try and date Joong.

Although, admittedly, he did miss Joong. A lot. Maybe he should try and talk to Joong. If not about his feelings but at least to see where they stood.

To see if they were even still friends.

\-- 

They did not end up talking, at least not for a little while. Though it wasn’t for lack of effort on Nines part, because he had tried. He tried to stop Joong before he left the building after the meeting but Joong dodged him like some prisoner on the run from the cops.

Nine had tried texting him. The messages still hadn’t been read yet.

He stopped by Joongs apartment, a couple of times and to no avail, the door stayed tightly shut.

Even now, as he stood in front of the door, the door which he knew held Joong because the other had just finished a live with his cousin. He knew the asshole was in there. Nine bangs on the door a few more times, each time louder than the last. 

“Open up you fucker!” He resisted the urge to slap his mouth, he didn’t have to follow those rules if Joong was going to be ignoring him. “Why are you ignoring me?!”

Someone opened their door down the hall shushing him, he apologized softly before turning back to the door. 

“Why?” He whisper-yelled letting his head fall against the door, hand twisting the knob listlessly. “Why?” He whispers this time, to not disturb the others on the floor.

He was mad. Beyond mad. Nine was confused and angry and wanted to punch Joong in the face. He couldn’t understand why Joong was doing this. Why was he being like this?

\-----

It was three days after that when he finally -_Finally_\- heard something from Joong. And by heard something it was more like was attacked by.

It was past one in the morning, Nine had been trying to sleep when his door slams open. Startled, he jumps out of bed and grabs the first thing he could, running at the dark figure.

He tripped over a shirt, stumbling before half-kicking and half- bouncing off the wall to punch at the dark figure. It connected with a grunt. A hand shot out and grabbed his wrist, his other hand reached out to hit with his … A lotion bottle. Fuckin great weapon choice there Nine, he mentally berated as he swiped at the attacker with it. Another hand reached out and grabbed his wrist so tight the lotion bottle tumbled from this grasp. Nine shifts to one leg, pushing his knee up only to have his body pushed back. Stumbling around feet and forgotten clothes on the ground, they crashed into the bed.

“Stop trying to hit me.” The voice growled as Nine tried to bring his knee up again only for it to get capture between an elbow and an abdomen. “Stop it.”

“Joong?” Nine freezes, recognizing the voice, “What the fuck?!” He tried to twist so he could use his elbow as a weapon but Joong pushed his wrist out straightening his arms along the bed.

“Stop trying to hit me.” Joong said again, a little more forcefully this time. Hands tightening around Nine wrists almost painfully.

“I’ll stop hitting you when you stop attacking me in the middle of the fucking night!”

Then silence. Heavy breathing echoed through the room.

Nines heart racing against his chest from both fear and curiosity. Why had Joong suddenly shown up? Better yet, why the fuck was it in the middle of the night like some crazy person breaking into his apartment?

Then after a prolonged silence, Joongs hands relaxed before extracting themselves completely from Nines as he sat up. Slowly moving to across the room to shut the door, flipping on the small light in the kitchen.

Nine sat up, swiping a shirt off his floor as his nerves started to settle, leaving behind only chill bumps on his skin.

“Why are you here?” He asks softly as Joong grabs a water bottle from the fridge.

“You said I was always welcome.”

“Tsk.” Nine throws a nearby pillow at him, it smacks his leg before falling to the ground unnoticed. “It’s one in the fucking morning asshole.”

“I thought we weren't cursing anymore.”

“Fuck you.” Nine grabbed the mochi plush to fling at Joong as well, this time it hit his stomach before landing on the ground, rolling a few feet before staring at Nine with its smiling face. At this moment he wanted nothing more than ripping the smile of the plushies face.

Joong pushed off the counter, tossing the empty bottle into the sink before taking two steps forward and stopping. “Are you angry?”

“Am I-” Nine fumbles off the bed, stalking forward, arm pulled back, ready for action. “Am I angry?!” He swung, connecting with Joongs cheek, not nearly as much force as he wanted but at the bottom of his heart, he didn’t _actually_ want to hurt his friend.

Ok, maybe at this moment, just a little bit. 

“Yes, I’m fucking angry!” This time the punch connected with Joongs stomach.

“Nine,” Joong starts quietly as he grabs the hand flying his way before a third hit could land. “I’m sorry.”

“You’re sorry.” Nine tugging at his wrist, “You’re sorry?” He repeated louder. What kind of statement was that? Joong was sorry so he crashed into his house in the middle of the night and attacked him. Because he was _sorry_.

Nine struggled to get his hand free as Joong stared intently, waiting impatiently for him to calm down. “Sorry is not an excuse. You’re still an asshole and I don’t accept your apology!”

“I’m sorry,” Joong repeated.

“Stop it!” Nine struggled harder, his free hand pushing at Joongs chest. “Stop saying things you don’t mean.”

“You’re crying.” He froze at Joongs words and he felt it, the tear roll down his cheek. “I’m sorry.”

Nine opened his mouth to yell again when he was pulled roughly into Joongs chest, arms wrapping tight around him. Nine tried his best to ignore the tears that flowed down his cheeks -they didn’t deserve his attention- as a hand cupped his neck. “I’m sorry.”

“Stop,” Nine answers with a wet, shaky voice. Nine hands thump against Joongs chest before pulling the material into his fist. “Stopping saying things you don’t mean.”

“I wouldn’t say it if I didn’t mean it.”

"You can't just avoid me and ignore me and then waltz in and expect a ‘_sorry_’ to fix everything." The hands tighten around Nine and a small sniffle was pressed into his neck. "Why?" He croaked out.

“I’ve been so confused after you admitted that you might want to date me.” Joong starts slowly swiping his fingers over Nine's wet cheeks, “So I went to my cousin for help and she recommended that I try and date a girl.”

Nine pushed at the chest but the arms didn’t budge. “She told me that I might be confused, that I was just spending too much time with you and because we are close friends and I've never had a girlfriend before, that I was just confused. I just need to try and date girls. I mean I was, no _am_, confused. She set me up with one girl but I left halfway through the night because she wasn’t… wasn’t right. I couldn’t figure out why until the next girl my cousin set me up. That girl was… was too much. She was too…”

“Too?”

“Too female.”

Nine let his arms fall to his sides, shifting his head to wipe his cheeks on Joong's shirt. “So you stopped talking to me because you dated a girl who was too female?”

“No, I avoided you because throughout that whole date all I could think was that I wanted it to be you instead.” The room shifted, something felt different in the air almost like a fog or the way the world felt calm before a storm. “We were drinking and she kissed and touched me and I tried, I really did, I tried to like it. But she wasn’t you. And I hate myself for not liking it. I hate myself even more because I wanted it to be you touching me in that way. I wanted to be kissing you and touching you.”

“You lost your virginity to a girl you didn’t like?”

“No, I pushed her away because we were drunk.” Joong snapped back.

The room was too warm now like someone had turned off the AC. Nine shifted pushing at Joongs chest again but this time the arms loosened and Joong took a step back. “I’m still confused.”

“I talked with Pavel today. Or rather Pavel kicked in my door and talked to me.” Joong shoves his hands in his pockets, lowering his head. “He said I was being stupid and destructive.”

“He’s right.”

“Maybe.” Joong shrugged, “Yeah, he was right,” lips creeping up into a small smile. “But he also helped me understand.”

“Understand what?” Nine furrowed his brows.

Joong waits till he catches Nines' eyes before he says, “That I love you.”

“Bullshit.” Nine growls, Joong stumbles at the push. “You-”

“Nine wait.”

“I cannot believe you. I accidentally let it slip that I might be ok with us dating. Not in a joking manner and you ignoring, avoid me and make me think that you hate me.” He growls when he feels more tears on his cheeks. Why was he even crying? It just fueled his anger more as he wills himself to stop the tears. “I was so worried I’d lost you as a person. As a friend. You made me rely on you. Need you. Love you. And left me like I didn’t even matter. You didn’t even have the gall to talk to me about your problems. ”

Nine took two heavy steps forward, hands outstretched. “Then waltz back into my life in the middle of the night.”

Nine pushes at his chest forcing Joong to take a step back, “Tell me that suddenly you're gay.”

Another push. “Tell me that you love me”

Another push and thump as Joongs back connects with the wall, “You just expect me to forgive you. Pretend nothing happened.”

Joong slowly reached up, fingers wrapping around the hands on his chest. Joong leans in slowly, his lips brushing over the wet cheeks. “I know I did a stupid thing. I’m sorry.”

“Yes, you did.”

“I know that now.”

“Good,” Nine huffs. “I’m glad you realize that.” Nine lets his shoulders drop as the tension seems to ease in the air.

“Do you accept my apology now?” Joong kisses the cheek again, suck just a bit so it popped when he pulled back. Nine pouts swiping at his cheek. Joong chuckles doing it again just to see Nine nose scrunch up in annoyance.

“I’m getting there.” Nine answers, wrapping his arms around Joong's neck.

Joong stared down at him with a soft smile. Nine shared one back. “You know if you are gay you can’t get rid of it by dating a girl.”

Joong groans, his head falling back to hit the wall. “I was confused and someone told me it might work. Plus like what if I _was_ just confused…" Joong head lulls to the side, glancing at nine with a smile. “I mean it’s just you that I like.”

“Do you still like girls?” Nine asks ignoring the subtle flirt.

“I guess, maybe… Do you?”

Nine shrugged back. It hadn't really thought about too much. He still found girls attractive but since Joong showed up he hadn’t actively wanted to date anyone, male or female, just Joong.

“I think I might like both,” Joong admits, shifting to meet Nine eyes. “I’m not sure of too many things in my life. I know that I like being around you. I like holding you.” Joongs hands tightening around Nines' waist. “I like it when I’m the reason you smile.”

“I do have a cute smile.”

“You have cute cheeks.” Joong chuckles at the glare, moving slowly to kiss Nines other cheek. “I think the realization that maybe I did love you and that you might actually love me back through me off-kilter. I just needed time to process. Figure things out.”

“You needed Pavel to slap you back into shape.”

Joong rolled his eyes, “Yeah maybe. Maybe I did just need someone to spell it out for me.” 

Joong kisses the cheek once more before moving to kiss Nines temple. “To tell me why I liked having you in my arms.”

A kiss to the forehead. “Why I craved your attention.”

The other temple. “Why, you made me feel complete”

Another kiss tot her forehead. “You know why?” Nine hummed in reply.

Joong kisses his nose. “Because I loved you long before I realize it. Maybe since the day I meet you.”

The lips kiss the corner of Nines' mouth. “Like I was fated to love you.”

Nine snorts, ducking his head, ears and cheeks burning at the admission. “I’m still mad at you. Being sweet won’t change that.”

Joong smiles, nudging his face up with a finger on his chin before leaning in for a small peck. “It might help.”

“You’re still getting punished.” Nine pinches the back on Joongs neck earning a hiss.

“Kinky.” Joong wiggled his brows then laughed when Nine smacked his chest.

They talk a bit more, trying to gain a better understanding of what they were now before Nine ushered them to bed when he realized how late it was.

“Nai, where’s my toothbrush.”

“In the cabinet.”

“Why?”

“So I didn’t throw it in the toilet.”

“Yeah ok make sense I guess.”

When Joong was finished brushing his teeth, as they settled in bed, Joong didn’t hesitate to wrap his arms around Nine. Push his face into the back of his neck, even dropping a few soft kisses.

“Now that we’re, you know dating and whatnot, you should talk to me instead of avoiding me.”

“I will, I promise.”

“You better.” Nine pulled Joongs hand to lay over his heart.

“Goodnight Nai.”

Nine turned enough to kiss fully on the lips. It was soft and gentle. Like a refreshing breeze on a hot day. The feeling of things falling back into place. Nine pulled away with a smile, rubbing their noses together before shifting back around.

“Goodnight Joong.”

_Rather than being about excitement and lust, a soul mate relationship is characterized by such things as a shared life path, a sense of comfort and ease, and a genuine liking of each other. – Katherine Woodward Thomas_


End file.
